My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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