I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize