You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
