We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So much rum. So many feels.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
