Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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