I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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