STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
