You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
