It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
