I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
