You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
sarcasm needs its own font
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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