I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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