You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize