Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
