Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
