4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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