I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
