Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
