I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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