I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
