if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
