WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
