I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize