Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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