and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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