If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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