Cold hands, warm shart.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
