Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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