Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
