just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
