you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize