the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
