she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
