I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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