She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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