His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He felt like a one man threesome
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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