She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Still dying that you shit outside
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
