i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
