I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
