in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol