Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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