im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I love having hate sex.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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