hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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