just tell him i said nine months
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
