He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
