Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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