Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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