He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
