I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
