So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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