I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We have so much sex to catch up on
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
