Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
