"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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