i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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