I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
