my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
