i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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