I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
