You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
