I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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