fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I looked at my own cervix.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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