maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
