If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize