we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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