I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
