Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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